socialist vs. democrat vs. liberal vs. conservative vs. republican vs. anarchist

I have a question for ya'll on here...

Facts:

  1. We have two major parties in this country, the republicans and the democrats.
  2. There are many gradations of these parties including liberal democrats and conservative republicans.

Understandings:

  1. Liberals lean towards socialism as they are proponents of socialized medicine, govenment-sponsored education, and more taxpayer money to fund these ventures
  2. Conservatives lean towards anarchism, effectively, proposing very little federal sponsorship of these same ventures and an emphasis on the federal government imposing very little on the citizenry

Yet, Republicans sure seem to muddle their focus of less federal government with some very strange things.  For example,

  1. Federal Government sponsorship of private churches under what veil of republicanism would this make sense?
  2. A massive Federal army to venture into other people's governments and take them over even though we want our own federal government to be small?
  3. Federally imposed "No abortion" laws which means we need to regulate a group of people who want to have abortions, not to mention why isn't this a state's right?
  4. The use of Chinese money to fund our Federal tax-cuts, rather than down-sizing the federal budget this is a doozy! This is so strange, the logic here is let's give money from another government to our people so they will spend the money on the other government's products so that we can give the money back later to that government including an interest rate.
  5. Gay Rights / Marriage ya'll stick with me on this one, cause I have two points. 
  • why would a group that wants to downsize the amount of regulation of it's citizenry be in favor of regulating a subsection of the population's interest in sharing in a consensual relationship that ultimately still acts as a part of the basic unit of our culture; the family.
  • in a similar vein, why would the government (republican or democrat-run) think it okay for the government to regulate what is, in many cases, a church-oriented system.  (Furthermore, why are we, the people, sancitifying the private ritual of some churches and not others?)

And I'm sure plenty of other things that I'm not even thinking about now...but it would seem to me that the major paradigm shift is between social issues and taxation, but if you are going to cut down on taxes, how are you going to fund investment in churches, paying for the army, regulation of abortion laws and the disparity of the tax-cut-funding while spending is going overseas?

So here's my question, did I so misjudge the party's ideologies, or their stances? (or both?) that my arguements are wrong, or is this just a silly way to approach the federal government?

And just so everyone knows, I actually am looking for comments here.  It's really been bothering me

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