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Remember that staph infection that Rosie O'Donnell caught in 2000, the one she says "almost left me dead." According to her Feb. 4 missive on The Huffington Post, that's all Bush's fault. Seriously.

President Bush almost killed me. It's true, and I have the scars to prove it ...

It's a long story. So let me summarize. She was so disgusted by what she saw watching the 2000 Republican National Convention -- an event that "felt something like a home invasion" (she must of had an early version of HDTV. Lucky her.) -- she decided to regain her sense of hope in the promise of America by going fishing. Now, as an important aside, let's remember that this was a full year before 9/11 -- before Bush imposed martial law upon the United States, and invaded the peaceful, kite-flying peoples of Afghanistan and Iraq.

We continue ... The land-lubbing Rosie managed to mangle her middle finger doing the hard work of cutting the price tag off the fishing pole she bought -- presumably not at fascist Wal-Mart:

I went all out, though, and got everything -- skin, ligaments, tendons, nerves. Maximum impact, including a particularly nasty staph infection that almost left me dead.

Wow. I mean, WOW! I once did the same thing to my right thumb with a knife used to scrape pizza dough off a cold tray. I should have filed for workman's comp. But I blamed it on my own carelessness while closing the pizza shop. Silly me. I still don't have full feeling in that thumb 18 years later. Someone owes me.

But, enough about me. More about Rosie ...

That's my personal war story from the demoralizing Bush years, and probably a minor one ...

Yeah, sweetie. That'd be a minor one. If only there were background checks for tiny fishing knives, you'd have been spared the horror.

Anyway, on to the good news. Rosie says:

It's a new season, with an election on the horizon, but like many others I have felt burned up and burned out by politics.

We should be so lucky. After paragraph upon paragraph of delusional railing about the Bush administration -- and what can they not be guilty of if they are guilty of using mind-control rays to distract a liberal like Rosie and causing her to inflict a nearly fatal fishing knife wound -- Rosie closes hoping for a Obama-Clinton or a Clinton-Obama ticket.

Whatever gets you through the night, or prevents grievous personal injury, Rosie. Be strong. And please remember not to run with scissors until at least November.